


Frozen Sadness

by DreamsPsyche



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Character Study, Concerts, Gen, Inspired by Real Events, Introspection, Songfic, Vocaloids are AIs in this universe, i wrote this instead of doing homework
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:13:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27874390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamsPsyche/pseuds/DreamsPsyche
Summary: The setting is Magical Mirai 2020. While on stage, Kaito reflects on his career and his existence.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Frozen Sadness

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on a whim for a confidence boost...I've wanted to get into writing Vocaloid fics for years and this is me dipping a toe into it, I guess. The live performance of Mikaboshi was a deeply religious experience for me that changed my life, and this fic was my attempt to capture those emotions in words. I don't know if I did a good job, but us Kaito fans need our food.
> 
> Song/lyrics belong to Satoru Takamura

Kaito was ready. More than he thought. Once he heard what the choices were for the Magical Mirai album, he had been excited. The song “Mikaboshi”. Written by Satoru Takamura, a producer who was barely active at all. A song with less than 100,000 views. It was the most unlikely choice for a concert like this, being a rock song from a lesser known producer with barely any clout. But Kaito knew better. Mikaboshi was a cult classic among people who bothered to keep up with him. Most of the names he became aware of in 2008 were still around, doing what they knew and giving him the attention he sorely needed.

Bemused, Kaito read over the choreography that was intended for Mikaboshi. Or rather, the lack of choreography-he would be holding a guitar the whole time, and fake “playing” it. Nothing new, really. There weren’t that many ways to dance to a song like that. But still, why play a virtual guitar next to multiple actual guitar players on stage…? Kaito, once again, lamented his status as an incorporeal being. He would never admit it, but Vocaloids had little actual musical knowledge other than what the producer fed into them. Just the bare minimum. An artifice such as himself could never grasp how to play a real instrument. But still, he had to go with what the choreographer wanted. He had no choice.

**November 29th, 2020: Osaka, Japan**

Today was the day. Mikaboshi would be performed live. Kaito wasn’t scared. Kaito wasn’t feeling anything, as he was mostly a concept that existed in the hearts and minds of a human audience. Nevertheless, he persisted. The summoning to the stage never hurt. It felt like an awakening. How many times had Kaito been awakened like this? He didn’t remember. Ten years of constant concerts takes the benefit of memory from you. 

_ If I’m lonely, stay by my side _

_ If I’m crying, hold me _

_ This frozen sadness _

_ Turns into power _

The crowd was alight with hundreds of molten sapphire penlights. Deep, deep down within himself Kaito hoped there had been more lights for him than for anyone else, but he had no way of knowing. There were no cheers or screams; a necessary precaution. He liked to think that had the precautions not been in place, there would have been an avalanche of cheering.

The choreography was mostly based around facial expressions (as long as he strummed along to the beat, he was good). Nothing too prone to mistakes. While he was up there, Kaito thought of his life. He wondered, why did so many people write some of the saddest, most introspective songs for him? He thought of Shinjou, of hinayukki, and of halyosy. He thought of Satoru Takamura. He thought of his “father” of flesh and blood. Wondering if they were in the crowd below that he could not see.

_ How long can I survive through the stars _

_ That come out at twilight? _

_ I want a light that can never disappear. _

Since this was his only song in Magical Mirai this year, he had to make it count. Information got around easily for him and the other AIs, so he knew that the people out there, more than ever, needed him. 

The old, worn-out vocals were juxtaposed against a new outfit. The band played almost exactly like the instrumentation in the original. Those looking upon the projection of Kaito would proclaim that he felt more expressive than ever before, even holding his arms up and “feeling” the music like a real singer would.

Like a “real” singer would. Wasn’t that the purpose of this entire Vocaloid project? The Daisy Project? Kaito hadn’t thought of that name in years. His first memory...what was his first memory?

_ The end of this sadness _

_ Is falling right here in this town _

_ If I look up, even now, _

_ I can still see your color _

If it was only 4 minutes of release, it didn’t matter. Those 4 minutes held fourteen years of history within them. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t show-stopping, but it was there. Just like Kaito himself, maybe. But he knew his own worth, deep down. Not as if he would ever let anyone in on it. His place as an elder was to mentor and communicate with the other Vocaloid AIs, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. Even if it resulted in situations like this.

_ Even if it falls to the ground, I don’t care _

_ The shameless thing that guides me _

_ Is the last light disappearing in the twilight sky. _

_ It’s the light that connects us to ancient times. _

The guitars continued on until the end of the song. For some reason, Kaito wasn’t set to bow once the performance ended. How he wished he could have. How it seemed inadequate just waving and fading away to the people who were his lifeblood. But still, he bore it with a smile. Like always. After death and rebirth and reinvention and strife and pain and mediocrity. He persists.


End file.
